Slipping Through My Fingers
by Kristie Goldberg
Summary: Kathryn is in love with Chakotay, but it's too late! Can anyone else make her happy? I'm rating this one T all though it's very mild. It's C/7; J/A and J/C


Slipping Through My Fingers

As we stood in a circle listening to Tom, he suddenly quit talking as

he looked up and stared over my left shoulder. I knew without turning around who he was looking at. My chest suddenly felt very tight. Mike Ayala, who was standing next to me turned slightly to look. Turning back around, he very gently placed his arm around my waist.

I sensed that they were approaching. Everyone in the circle must have

known how I felt. B'Elanna had fire in her eyes. "How could he? What a

jerk?"

Before she could continue saying any more, they joined our circle. Chakotay looked around the circle with his eyes stopping on me. I could see the appreciative look in his eyes. I also noticed the way he looked at Mike when he realized Mike had his arm around me. Seven just stared at me with hatred in her eyes. She didn't bother to veil it.

"Chakotay, Seven." I nodded politely. Chakotay nodded back. Seven

ignored me and began talking to Harry who looked very uncomfortable. Mike leaned over and whispered in my ear. I smiled up at him with this

incredible smile I once used only for Chakotay.

"If you will excuse us, Kathryn and I will be dancing." He took my arm

and led me to the dance floor. It was the first time he had ever called

me Kathryn. I looked up at him and grinned. "I hope you don't mind,

Captain. I just couldn't resist."

"You are absolutely terrible, Mike. And, I love it. Please continue

calling me Kathryn. I am no longer your superior." He grinned a devilish

grin. He is a handsome one all right and full of the devil. He is going

to make some woman a very happy person. We talked while we danced. He

was holding me a little closer than protocol demanded, but not much

more. He was a great dancer and an even better conversationalist. I had

danced with him many times on Voyager and always had an enjoyable time.

"There is one set of eyes on this side of the dance floor following

every move we make. On that side are several sets of Admiral's eyes

following us. Oh my! Your mom is talking with Chakotay. Actually your mom is dancing with Chakotay!" My mouth must have dropped open with that bit of information. "If looks could kill, both you and your mother would be dead compliments of Seven. She looks furious. The EMH is now at her

side. They are going to a table to talk." Mike kept up a running

commentary. When Seven and the doctor were seated, he stopped.

"I see the way you two look at each other, Kathryn. You need to grab on

to him and hang on tightly. You're good for each other. Don't let her

have him. He is slipping through your fingers, but only if you allow

it." He smiled, and I knew that he was talking from his heart.

"I just don't know how to prevent it. I know that I love him more than

anything in this world, but I'm not really sure how he feels about me.

Once a long time ago, I knew he felt something for me. He hasn't shown

that side of him in years."

"I have it on good authority that he loves you. He told me he was only

dating Seven because you didn't care about him. Tonight when he was

looking at you, that wasn't disinterest in his eyes! He was practically

devouring you with his eyes. Woman, stand up! You are one of the most

beautiful women around. Any man would be thrilled to have you want them!

But, Chakotay is the one you want! Go after him!" He gazed into my

eyes. I decided that I needed a plan and soon!

I nodded toward Chakotay and mom. "How would you like to dance with

mom?"

"I think I would enjoy it. She is some fine lady! Now I know where you get your looks!" We danced toward them. Finally getting next to them, Mike said to Chakotay, "Hey Old Man! How about we trade partners? I would love a chance to dance with the loveliest lady at this gala!" Mom grinned widely knowing what Mike was up to.

We changed partners gracefully. As Mike whisked my mom back to the

center of the dance floor, I looked into Chakotay's eyes. I tried to show him the love I felt. He held me tightly. I lay my head against his

chest. I could feel his heart beat. Finally, I felt that I knew what to say. I just hoped that I didn't blow it. I pulled back a little and looked up into his eyes.

"Chakotay, did you ever want something or someone so badly that it hurt

inside?"

"Yes, I have" I heard the intake of breath as he said it.

"Sometimes we realize that we could have had it but we find that we

waited too late."

"Yes, I know what you mean."

"I just want you to know that I love you. I have loved you for the past

seven years. I thought that when we returned we could finally be

together. But, now I see that dream slipping through my fingers. Do you love her? Is she the one you want?" I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes as I said it.

We stopped in the middle of the dance floor. He looked at me with such

passion. "I don't love her. I could never have for her the feelings

that I have for you. I don't have a right to say this, but I do love you. She's pregnant, Kathryn. I promised her that I would stay with her

through this. I'm sorry."

Tears begin falling from my eyes. I couldn't help it. There was nothing

more that could be said. I nodded and hurried away. The doors to the

garden was standing open. I went there. I just had to get away from him.

Mike saw me leave and followed me out. By then, I was shaking. He took

me in his arms as I sobbed out the story to him. He held me tightly until the sobbing subsided. "I should never have told him. I should have

just let it be."

"No, you did the right thing in telling him. Don't ever regret it. Do

you want to leave?

"Yes, I can't go back in there." As I looked up into his eyes, I saw

not only concern but something more. He looked away. He apparently saw

mom coming toward us.

"What happened? What did he say to you?"

"Gretchen, we need to get Kathryn home. She can't stay here! I want to

take her back to your place in Indiana."

"You take her. I will get her shawl and make our excuses. We don't want

to ruin the rest of the welcome home gala for the crew. I will be home shortly."

It seemed to take forever to get to the transport site. Mike had to

hold me up. I just wanted to fall down and never get up. It hurt so badly.

Arriving home Mike led me to the couch. He went into the kitchen and

got some tea for me from mom's new replicator. I was glad he was with me. I wanted to be alone, but yet I didn't. Before we even finished our

tea, mother joined us. We still had dad's transporter padd in the study

which made it easier for us.

"I just want to go to bed. We will discuss this tomorrow. Mike, I'm

sure mom won't mind if you use the guest room tonight. I really want to

talk with both of you in the morning. Mom?"

"Yes, Mike, you are welcome to stay as long as Kathryn needs you. In

fact, as charming as you are, I just might need you!" She looked very

serious for a few moments. Then that crooked grin gave her away. That was my mother! I saw Mike watching her grin. I think he realized then just how much alike we are.

The next morning, I found both of them downstairs at the kitchen table.

I heard them laughing like old friends before I actually got to the

kitchen. When I entered, mom got up to finish making breakfast.

"Feeling any better, Kathryn?"

"Actually, a lot better thank you. I am so happy that both of you were

there last night. Thank you!" Suddenly I heard the whine of the

transporter. "Are we expecting company?" I knew that Phoebe was in her ninth month of pregnancy with her third child out on Uranus. Her doctor didn't want her traveling. We would be going to see her as soon as her baby was born.

Mike got up and went into the study. When he returned he had

B'Elanna, Tom and Harry in tow. "The Calvary has arrived!" Mike announced. Great! All I needed was to bare my soul to an audience! But, they were all my good friends. B'Elanna began to help mom with the cooking. Tom and Harry took dishes into the dining room to set the table as the kitchen one wasn't big enough for all of us.

Once we sat down at the table, we began talking about last night. We

managed to rake most of the stuffy Admirals over the coals. I told them

some stories that I had heard about a few of those stuffy Admirals!

Finally, B'Elanna brought up Chakotay and Seven. "Seven looked horrible

in that dress. Don't you think?"

"Well, I saw more of Seven last night than I ever care to see again!

Wow! Hope Chakotay never takes the bottom position. He will smother!" As

soon as he said it, Harry began to blush.

Of course, Tom was sitting there just waiting for the right moment to

ask, "What happened between you and Chakotay last night? You were

dancing, and then the next minute, you were rushing out the door into the garden. Chakotay left the dance floor, nearly pulled Seven out of her chair, and they left without a single goodbye. Then, your mom comes in and tells us all that you weren't feeling well, and Mike was taking you home. What gives?"

I looked at each of them before answering. I didn't want to tell them

everything, but they would know this soon enough anyway. "Seven is

pregnant. Chakotay intends to stay with her."

"Bummer!" B'Elanna snorts. "In this day and age, no one expects him

to."

"You know Chakotay. It's his child. He wants to take care of it, and

Seven really has no one to turn to. Remember how her grandmother didn't

really want her coming to her home. She didn't feel comfortable with a

Borg around." I tried to convince them and at the same time to convince

myself!

"I always thought that the two of you would end up together, Cap...I

mean...Admiral." Poor Harry couldn't seem to stop blushing today.

I did admit one thing to them. "I use to think that someday when we

returned here, he and I would be together. It just didn't work out."

"What are your plans for the future, Admiral?" Tom asked in all

earnest.

"I have been offered a desk job. Like all of you, I have the next six

months off. During that time, I am going to decide if I will take

Starfleet up on it or not. I have a lot of thinking to do. I might even

decide to go back into space."

We continued talking most of the morning. Finally all of them left

except Mike. As they left, Tom gave Mike a funny look. I think he thought that there was something between Mike and me. If he only knew, I am sure he would be disappointed.

"I guess I had better go to, but I would like to return in a few days.

That is if you want me to?"

"I want you to, Mike! I think mom would like that as well. You are welcome here anytime. Come stay awhile the next time." I kissed him on the cheek just before he left. As he was dematerializing, I thought that I was lucky to have friends like Mike and the three stooges!

Over the next month, Mike visited often. Sometimes he would just come

for dinner, and sometimes he would stay two or three days. I could tell

he was lonely. His ex-wife had remarried, and his boys were grown and

lived off-world.

A couple of times we met - once in Paris and once in New York. We went

to the museums in both places and ate at fabulous restaurants. Mike was

always the gentleman.

The fifth week, mom and I went to visit Phoebe and family. The new baby

was adorable. The other two were terrors. Both Mom and I was exhausted by the time we left. I thought it was really good for mom that they lived that far away. She didn't have to deal with the children often. She loved them, but she didn't have the endurance she once did. On the way back on the shuttle, my thoughts were of Mike. I had missed him and was looking forward to seeing him again.

After we got back B'Elanna and I decided to have a picnic for whichever

crew members could make the trip out to Indiana. Owen Paris gave us a

list of addresses of all of Voyager's crew members except Chakotay and

Seven. They seemed to have disappeared. B'Elanna contacted the EMH. He

didn't know where they were either. He just hoped that Seven was getting

the pre-natal care that she needed.

B'Elanna contacted everyone that was still at the addresses given

Starfleet. She managed to get one hundred and ten to respond yes. Many

would be bringing spouses and children. We would have a total of two

hundred and eleven people. They all would be bringing something to share

with the others food wise. Mike and Tom would be grilling hot dogs,

hamburgers and fish. There would be no Leola root in site!

The day before Tom, B'Elanna, Miral and Harry showed up to help Mike,

mom and I set everything up. We had rented a huge tent and tables and

chairs. The men spent hours setting them up as well as the grills.

B'Elanna and I helped mom. Miral spent most of the time sleeping. She's such an angel.

When B'Elanna and I were alone, she asked me about Mike. I told her the

truth. I still loved Chakotay, but I had very strong feelings for Mike.

In time, I could see a possible relationship with him. He understood

my feelings. We had kissed a lot, but we had gone no further. I think he

knew that I had to lay my love for Chakotay aside first. Mike, like

Chakotay, has a lot of patience.

The picnic was a huge success. Harry and his group played for us. Jenny

and Megan Delany dressed as clowns and entertained all the children. A

volleyball net was set up and people took turns playing. Later B'Elanna

told me that several people asked about Mike and me. Only a few brought

up Chakotay and Seven. None knew where they were or what they were

doing. And, none had known that Seven was pregnant.

Afterward Harry, Tom, B'Elanna, Miral and Mike spent the night. They

finished taking everything down the next morning. It was nice the way we all worked together to make the event a happy one for all.

None of us had decided on a future as yet. We knew that we needed to

start some planning. I began to look around for job opportunities that

were different from the usual. My opportunity came in the form of Mark

Johnson. Actually it was Mark's wife, Carol, who approached me. We met

and hit it off right after Voyager returned. I felt no jealousy for her,

nor did she for me. She was the perfect wife for Mark, and they were

very happy together.

Carol worked for the Avendale Group. They were looking for people to

help them reclaim desert land in old Mexico. They had plans to make it

into a thriving, livable area instead of a wasteland. They thought that

the crew of Voyager would fit in perfectly with their plans. They needed

people who could be spur of the moment inventive. People who were

willing to work in such an area was hard to come by. Their biggest drawback was that it would be a four year commitment.

I stopped by their offices. Carol introduced me to the owners. They

discussed plans and showed me blueprints for the entire day. Their

plans were very detailed. The most important thing that came out of the

meeting for me was a sense that this group cared. They weren't in it for

the money as much as for wanting to see their dream fulfilled. I left

with an arm full of charts and a promise to call them within a week.

The following day, Mike, Tom, B'Elanna, Harry and I had a meeting in

our dining room. We spread all the charts out on the table and looked

them over. Soon, all four of them were as excited about the project as I

was. We made a list of former crewmembers that we thought might be

interested and what they would be able to do. Soon we had potential jobs for most of the crew. Now, all we had to do was sell them on the idea.

By the end of the week we had one hundred and twelve people lined up.

Several more indicated they were interested if what they were doing

didn't work out. Those with families were assured that their families would be able to join us within four months.

I felt happy that I was able to call John Avendale and give him the

news that we would accept his offer. He wanted to have a meeting with the five of us to get the ball rolling. Things seemed to happen fast. Those of us that were still in Starfleet resigned. The call of doing

something new and different was hard to resist for all of us.

Two and a half months later one hundred and twelve people found

themselves on dry barren land in the middle of Mexico. We began sitting up camp. Shuttles were bringing most of the heavy equipment. B'Elanna and I decided that the main equipment would be dropped where we were located. Other equipment would be dropped to different parts of the area.

Within days we had portable cabins set up for the crew members, four to

a cabin. B'Elanna and Tom were with Mike and me. We had a huge mess

hall, and Chell had come along to do the cooking. He brought his brother, Rend, with him. Rend had a lot of cooking experience. Between the two of them, we were looking forward to some good meals.

The next few days, we mainly worked in the mess hall. We divided the

crew into groups. Tom, Harry, Mike, Jenny Delany, John Ashmore and Noah

Lessing each headed a group. Those six reported to B'Elanna and me. We

made sure each group knew what their jobs were to be. We would also do

cross training when we could to keep down the boredom.

We set a work schedule. Breakfast was scheduled between 5:30 and 6:45.

The crew was expected to begin the day by 7:00am. We were no longer using a twenty four hour clock which took some getting use to. We would work until 11:00am. Lunch would be served between 11:30am and 1:00pm. Because of the heat we would resume work at 4:00pm and work until 7:00 pm. This gave us only a seven hour work day, but we felt it was important for the crew to be out of the heat at certain times. Later, we would be able to work different hours.

The first couple of weeks we had several set backs. Some of the

equipment we were sent was faulty. B'Elanna managed to come up with solutions to fix all of it. Ron Chapman had a large metal pipe fall on his leg. He was hurt fairly bad. Tom was able to repair the damage, and within a week, Ron was back on the job. Several other people had minor

accidents. Finally, it was decided that we needed a doctor. I called Carol and she said she would discuss it at the next meeting which was in two days.

Two weeks later, we got a message that a doctor would be arriving later

that day. We were surprised when the shuttle landed and our old EMH

walked off. He was happy to be there with us. We had a med station which

he immediately set about reorganizing. Later when he wasn't busy he

would be helping me with some of the paper work. I always thought that

Starfleet went overboard with their paperwork. Their paperwork was nothing compared to what Avendale Corp expected.

When we had free time, the doctor and I talked. He still did not know

the whereabouts of Chakotay and Seven. He did say that Seven should be

Over half way through to her due date. He had not been the one to examine her. Therefore, he was making a guess when the actual date would be. I hoped for Chakotay's sake that all would go well. As we were talking, I realized that I hadn't thought of Chakotay in weeks. Most of the time, I was too tired to think of anything.

We worked Monday through Friday and an occasional Saturday morning.

There was a town about forty miles away. Often some of the crew would

take shuttles over there during their time off. Mike went with them

several times. He would always bring back Mexican food for me. He knew that I loved it. I sometimes thought that he went into town so that he could sleep in a real bed as they would stay overnight in a hotel. Here he was sleeping on a cot in the living area.

After a year, you could really tell the difference in the land. It was

beginning to look green and irrigated. We were proud of our work. We

had many people from Avendale come out to see the progress. They were

impressed.

When John Avendale visited, he looked around with wonder. His dream was

coming true. One thing he wanted to change was our living conditions.

Right on the spot he ordered huge trailers to be sent to us. Many of the

crew now had their families with them, and things were a little cramped

to say the least.

Within a week we had the trailers. Each couple had their own. Those

that was not part of a couple shared with one other person. We also had

two portable class rooms, a nursery complete with an outside playground

and a new medical trailer. There was also six spare trailers in case the need to use them arose.

Mike and I had grown so use to each other that we didn't hesitate to

share a trailer. We had yet to become lovers, but I knew it wouldn't be

long. I had begun to realize that we both needed someone. I didn't want

to lose Mike the way I lost Chakotay. I didn't want Mike slipping

through my fingers.

It happened just a couple of weeks after the new trailers arrived. Our

trailer had two bedrooms and two baths, one at each end. When I came in

for the day, I heard his shower running. Since it was Friday and we

were not working the next day, I assumed he was getting ready to go into

town. I headed toward my bedroom stripping as I went. I threw my clothes

in the refresher and stood before the mirror.

I don't often look in the mirror. I am never impressed with what I see.

My body is still thin even after my time spent here. My face, arms and

legs have tanned from the constant sun, but the rest of my body is very

white. My breasts are full but certainly not as perky as they use to

be. The rosy tips of my nipples stand out against the whiteness.

My face has begun to get a few lines around the eyes. I know that the

doctor could take care of them, but I resist. I feel that somehow I have

earned every one of those lines, like a badge of honor! My eyes are

shinning. I had a sudden thought that they shinned because I was happy.

My hair had light golden streaks running through it. The sun kept it

lighter than I had ever had it. Still no signs of gray. My mother still

has fairly dark hair. I smiled as I thought that I must carry her hair

genes!

Finally I headed to the shower. Tomorrow I will spend a couple of hours

in the bathtub, but tonight, I just wanted a fast shower. Perhaps, Mike

will still be here when I am finished. I want to see him off. Maybe I

can get him to bring back some of the Mexican chocolate that he brought

back last time.

Finishing up, I put on a pair of shorts and a short top. I hear him in

the other part of the trailer. I headed out of the bedroom to catch him

and run right into his body. He catches me as I start to fall. We begin

kissing. The next thing I know, he is carrying me to my bed.

We spend the next several hours making love. Yes, I suddenly realized.

It was making love and not just having sex. I am in love with Mike, and

I whisper those words into his ear. He tells me the same. That night we

slept in my bed. I had the best nights sleep that I had in years.

Less than a year later, I gave birth to the most amazing little boy

that I had even known. He was beautiful. He had Mike's good looks. Mike

and I both thought that he was the most wonderful thing that had ever

happened to us. He made our life complete. We named him John Michael

Janeway.

There would be no more children for us. I had a hard time giving birth. The doctor had warned me when he found that I was pregnant that

because of my age, the birth might be difficult. Afterward the doctor

had to do a hysterectomy. I was devastated. But, at least we had John

Michael.

He grew fast. He was walking at eight months and by two he had an

unbelievable vocabulary. Even then you could carry on a conversation with him. At three he got tired of trying to find someone to read to him, so he taught himself to read. We cherish every moment we spent with him.

Our last year on the project, we received news from John Avendale. He

would be bringing off world guests. He sent in ten more trailers to

accommodate them. Those that were coming were Ambassadors and their

immediate families from several different planets. They all were highly

interested in our project. Each hoped to contract with Avendale to do the same thing on their planet.

The crew was excited about the prospect of more work. We wanted to stay

together. We had indeed become a family. We had everything ready for

the visit. When the shuttles began arriving we were very excited.

The first shuttle contained John Avendale and many other

representatives from the company. We knew them all well from their many visits here. They were as anxious to make a good impression as we were.

One by one the shuttles landed bringing the Ambassadors and their

families. We stood in line and they shook our hands as they walked to the mess hall. I was standing between John Avendale and B'Elanna. Suddenly B'Elanna grabbed my arm as she murmured to me, "Oh, my god!" I looked to see what she had seen. Walking toward us was Chakotay holding tightly to the hand of a little girl about four. Apparently Seven wasn't with him.

When he saw us, his shock almost equaled ours. John didn't seem to

notice. He introduced us. In turn, Chakotay introduced his daughter, Taya. I bent down to tell her welcome, when Chakotay said, "Taya doesn't speak." She had a wonderful smile, Chakotay's smile. After shaking hands with me, he continued on down the line and into the mess hall.

When we were finished in the receiving line, we headed for the mess

hall as well. I walked by the table where he was sitting with Taya and

several others. I had barely gotten by when John Michael came running up, "Mommy, mommy! Look what I made in school today." He flew into my arms giving me hugs and kisses. He had made a picture of a frog on a rock surrounded by water. I told him how wonderful it was and that we would put it on the bulletin board we had at home for his art work. Mike came up to us.

"Daddy, look what I made for mommy?" Mike admired the work and took

John Michael from me. Together we headed to our table. As we were walking, Mike told me he had seen Chakotay and the little girl. He squeezed my hand. I think he knew this was going to be a hard week for me.

While the adults toured the area each day, their children would go to our school. The teachers there had many activities for their little

visitors. The next day I went to pick up John Michael. He ran up to me

holding Taya's hand. "Mommy, I have a new friend. Her name is Taya. Her

doesn't talk with words. She talks to me in here." He put his hand over his heart.

Chakotay had walked up to us. I turned to look at him. I saw a look in

his eyes that I had seen years ago. I felt myself blushing slightly.

"Ambassador. I see our children have made friends with each other. How

would you and Taya like to join John Michael and me in the mess hall for

some ice cream?" The children looked at each other with glee at the

proposal.

He looked down at them. I could tell that he would do anything for Taya

to make her happy. "Taya and I would like that." It seems that the

children broke the ice between us.

Upon entering the mess hall, he took the children and sat them at a

table while I got the ice cream. As we ate, Chakotay and I began to talk. He told me that he had left Earth right away and gone to Dorvan. He made no mention of Seven while we talked. I finally realized it was

because Taya was there. When the children finished their ice cream, I told John Michael to take Taya over to the playground where they could play. I knew there was someone there supervising. John Michael took Taya's hand and they left the mess hall.

"Tell me, Chakotay. Tell me about Taya."

He told me that he had gone to Dorvan with Seven. She hated Dorvan the

moment they set foot on the planet. To top it off, her pregnancy had

not been an easy one. Most days she had morning sickness a good part of

the day. Taya's birth had not been an easy one either.

After Taya was born Seven became even more despondent. Then, they found

out that Taya was unable to speak. Seven finally left after signing

over all her rights to Taya. She didn't want Taya as she considered Taya

to be imperfect. She had been gone since Taya was a year old. Chakotay

had no idea where she was.

I felt sorry for him but more so for Taya. She was a wonderful little

girl. She needed someone to care for her besides Chakotay. She seemed

very intelligent.

"Chakotay, why don't you take her over to see our doctor? He is the

same one that was on Voyager. Perhaps he can help her. After all he has a lot more knowledge that most doctors." He looked surprised.

"I will then. As soon as Taya and John Michael are finished playing."

He then asked me about John Michael and that led to Mike. As we started

to leave, he took my hand for a moment and looked into my eyes.

"I am happy for you, Kathryn. Mike is a good guy. I know he has cared a

lot about you for a long time. Longer than you may realize. John

Michael is a wonderful little boy. And, he is lucky to have parents like the two of you. May you always be happy."

We walked to the playground and picked up the kids. He and Taya headed

to the medical facility. John Michael and I headed home. On the way

home, all I could think about was Taya. She was a beautiful child. Her

coloring was a little lighter than Chakotays. She had his hair and eyes.

She even had his dimples. I could see nothing of Seven in her. Perhaps

that was a blessing.

The doctor did a lot of tests on Taya and finally came to the

conclusion that he could fix what was wrong with her, but it would take a couple of operations in order to fix the problem. There would be a waiting period of two weeks between operations. He could do the first operation the next morning if Chakotay was willing.

Chakotay decided to stay and have both operations done. He came to me and asked if he could help out while he was staying here. It was

decided that he could help Mike's group.

The next day, the doctor performed the first operation. According to

him, it was a success. Taya would still not be able to speak until after

the second operation was performed. Chakotay was excited with the

possibility that she would soon speak.

I tried to keep my distance from Chakotay. Deep down I still had feelings for him. Mike had always known that I had those feelings.

Mike didn't say anything to me about it. He knew I was trying to be

a good mate to him. I think he also knew Chakotay was the reason why I had never agreed to marry him.

Two weeks later, the doctor performed the second operation on Taya.

John Michael had spend a part of every day with Taya and was quite taken

with her. He declared them to be "bestest buddies"! I had told him

that after the operation, Taya would be leaving with her father. John

Michael had put his hand to his heart, "Taya be here!"

The doctor had Taya wait two more days before she could try to speak.

She waited patiently. Chakotay, John Michael and I were in the

medical facility when the doctor said she could speak. She looked at

Chakotay and said her first word, "Daddy". Chakotay took her in his arms and let the tears flow. I had tears in my eyes. Taya pulled away and

looked at John Michael. "John Mi.." She finally got it out, "John

Michael". John Michael looked at her wide-eyed as he whispered, "My Taya!" He was so excited that Taya could speak.

Two days later the doctor gave Chakotay the okay to take Taya back to

Dorvan. Mike, John Michael and I walked to the shuttle with them.

The children hugged and kissed their goodbyes. Chakotay thanked me as he

kissed me on the cheek. As he shook Mike's hand, he said, "Take

care of her, Mike. Never let her go. You have something special." Mike

nodded his head in agreement.

After Chakotay and Taya left, life got back to normal. At first, John

Michael talked about Taya constantly. As time passed he talked of her

less and less.

Once our work was done in Mexico, the crew moved to Davlos III which

was out near Klingon territory after a well deserved three months off. We were going to set up the same program there. We had made a few mistakes in Mexico which we had to go back and correct as we discovered them. Now we knew how to avoid those mistakes as well as to do some things a little differently. This contract was for a three year program as the land was not as barren nor the weather as bad.

The settling in was easy. The people of Davlos III were very kind. And,

the area that they wanted rejuvenated was close by a large city. It

was easier for our people to get there for relaxation.

The work went much faster this time, and our crew was growing. We all

felt like family to each other.

Six more months and we would be leaving. Our next site would be on

Dorvan. We were all excited about seeing Chakotay and Taya again. I knew there would be no problem with Chakotay. I could handle being around him. I still loved him deep down with a love that I knew would never go away. At the same time I loved Mike as well. I would never leave Mike. He was my mate and the father of our child. He was very special to both of us.

John Michael was attending a sleep over for Joey Carey's birthday. I

was getting ready for bed when there was a knock on the door. Before I

could answer, Tom opened the door. From the look on his face, I knew

something was wrong.

"What is it?"

"We have to go into the city. There's been an accident. Several of

our people have been hurt. The doctor is going with us. Come on."

I ran to the hovercraft with him. Inside was the doctor and Harry Kim.

I was grateful they were going with us. Mike had gone into the city. I

was worried that he might be hurt.

Arriving at the hospital, we jumped out of the hovercraft and raced

inside the emergency room. We saw a couple of our crew members in the

waiting room. I hurried over to Jenny Delany.

"Jenny, what happened?'

"Several of us went to a bar over on Clete Street. Across the street is

a pool hall which several of the others went to. We were sitting around

drinking and listen to music when we heard a loud explosion. We ran

out to see the pool hall caving in. It was like a bomb had exploded. We

helped to get everyone out as fast as we could. There are still bodies

there. The cities' emergency unit is going through the rubble. All of

our people are accounted for. There are twelve being treated in there."

She nodded her head toward the left.

Our doctor and Tom were able to go inside to help with the patients.

The rest of us sat around waiting for news. No one wanted to leave. We

sat for what seemed like hours. Tom came out once and announced that Ken Dalby, John Ashmore and Billy Telfer were being released in a matter of minutes. He also said that Ray Moritz and Remi de Hann had not

made it through their surgeries. The other six were still being

treated.

We were trying to give comfort to Ray's wife Audrey when I noticed Tom

trying to get my attention. I went over to him with a funny feeling in

my stomach. I knew what he was going to say. Somehow, I didn't want him

to say it. I didn't want it to be true.

"Kathryn, Mike is holding on, but it doesn't look good. I don't ..."

"I need to see him, Tom. I need to, please!"

He nodded his head and went back in. I stood waiting, hoping this was a

night mare and I would soon wake to a normal day with all being well. He was only gone for a few minutes, but it seemed like forever.

Quickly he showed me into the room where Mike was lying on a biobed. He looked terrible hooked up to all kinds of tubes and monitors. The EMH was leaning over him doing some adjustments on the machines. He looked up as he heard them enter. He shook his head in a negative motion and motioned for me to come forward.

Stepping forward I took Mike's hand. He half opened his eyes and tried to smile.

"Kat.."

"Rest, Mike. I'll be here with you. I love you."

"Almost time to go." I had to lean very close to catch his words. "Don't let John Michael forget me. Go to Chakotay. He'll take care of you both. I love you." I felt his hand slipping from mine as he slowly closed his eyes.

All the monitors seemed to go off at one indicating he had left us. Tom was by my side. I turned to him with tears sliding down my face. He took me in his arms and let me cry. I felt as though a big part of my life had been ripped from me.

The rest of the time on the planet, I seemed to spend in a haze. John Michael was my first priority and he amazed me as usual. As Tom would say, he was nearly seven going on thirty. One Sunday soon after the accident, I took him into the city to a park for a picnic. He was delighted as the park had a lake where we could go out in a boat. He loved boats although he had never been on one. Seeing pictures of them, he imagined what it would be like to be on one. This boat lived up to his imagination very well.

Later after the boat ride and lunch, we lay on a blanket looking up at the clouds. We were trying to make shapes out of them.

"There, Mom, see that cloud!" He pointed to one all by itself. "It looks like an eagle." Looking at it, I was surprised at how right he was. It did look like an eagle with it's wings spread wide. "When we get to Dorvan, Chakotay will take me to see the eagles."

I was amazed that he remembered what Chakotay had told him. "You remember that?"

"I dreamed that he told Taya and me that he would. He will, won't he mom?"

"I think he will if there are eagles there. You'll have to ask him when we get there."

He smiled as he closed his eyes. "I will. Daddy's soaring with the eagles." I wondered where he got that idea. He was sleeping, so I lay quietly next to him thinking about how our lives keep changing all the time. I wondered what kind of life John Michael would have once he was grown. Sometimes he seemed so grown up for a seven year old.

The time between then and when we actually arrived on Dorvan was hectic, but it was something we were all looking forward to. We had received much information about Dorvan from Avendale, and were amazed at all the work that had been done there since our return from the Delta Quadrant. Work that Chakotay had been responsible for.

Once we were in orbit around Dorvan, our crew began beaming down the equipment that we had. They were excited as we had a lot of new equipment. We had been in constant contact with the planet.

Chakotay and I talked often. The first night, he and Taya beamed aboard to have dinner with us. Taya was a beautiful young girl of eight now. And, she talked constantly. Chakotay laughed and said she was trying to make up for not talking for so long.

John Michael and Taya seemed to take up where they left off. We noticed that when they were alone together, they didn't talk as much. Later John Michael explained that he and Taya talked with their hearts.

Our group settled in quite well with the help of Chakotay and his friends. Dorvan looked different already from the photos that were taken after the Cardassians left. Still there was much of the planet that was still barren wasteland. Our job was to get the planet in tip top shape. It was a six year project.

Chakotay had many friends who began working beside us. His sister and several women volunteered to cook for us. I figured with all of us working together we would meet our deadline.

Chakotay was saddened to hear about Mike's death as well as the others. It's always hard losing a friend no matter what. He sat with me many nights and told me stories about the Maquis and especially Mike. They had been very close. He told me things that Mike had never mentioned. It helped in laying my grief aside and moving on with my life. I will always have a place in my heart for Mike. He was truly a special person. I miss him a lot, but I know I must go on for John Michael's sake.

The work on Dorvan progressed rapidly. Each month we were able to look at what we had done and know that the job would be a success. Our people seemed happier here than they had elsewhere. I began to get the feeling that when we were finished, there would be many who would want to stay. I could understand their feelings. We had been roaming for many years. Perhaps now was the time to settle down. I contacted John Avendale and talked with him about it. He agreed to send out other workers to learn the job so they could carry on the Avendale tradition.

Chakotay tried to spend as much time as he could with Taya and John Michael. Yes, he did take them to see the eagles that lived near the mountains. John Michael talked of nothing else for days. A few days later, Chakotay presented John Michael with an eagle that he had carved. It was a majestic looking bald eagle with its wings spread wide. It stood on a branch and seemed ready to take flight. John Michael put it on his dresser next to a picture of his dad. Ever night he looked at the picture and the eagle before falling asleep.

As time went by, Chakotay and I began to spend more and more time together sometimes with the children and sometimes alone. It wasn't long until we fell back into our old relationship that we had aboard Voyager. We seemed to know what each other were thinking.

I laughed as I thought that if he was really thinking the same thing I was, soon we would be in bed together. Yes, I had decided that I wanted a relationship with him. I was in love with him. My days were often filled with thinking of him, and my nights were filled with dreams of him.

One night several members of Chakotay's tribe, who had been off world when the Cardassians came, built a huge campfire. We all gathered around as they told stories, many of which I had heard aboard Voyager, and they danced many of their native dances. They served traditional foods which everyone enjoyed. It was a wonderful night. The children had a great time running around and trying to dance. It was a fantastic piece of sharing.

Later, B'Elanna and Sam had a sleep over in a huge tent they erected for the children. Several others volunteered to help them out. B'Elanna quietly whispered in my ear that it was a chance for me to 'let down my hair' with Chakotay. I smiled at the words. My hair had been let down a long time ago. Now all we needed was to consummate the relationship. I thanked her and went looking for the man of my dreams.

Walking up to him, I took his hand. As he looked into my eyes, we both saw the love there for each other. He leaned over and said, "It's time." Not a question, but a simple statement. I nodded, yes it was time.

We walked slowly back to my trailer and went directly into the bedroom. I had him sit on the bed as I stood before him and undressed. I could see his face in the moonlight and saw the appreciative look on his face as his eyes roamed my body. There was no 'first time' jitters at all. He pulled me too him and kissed my stomach. Standing up slowly, his lips made their way slowly and sinuously up my body until they reached my lips. Taking me in his arms, he gave me the most passionate kiss I had even known. Picking me up, he laid me in the center of the bed.

Then slowly he undressed for me. I certainly appreciated his strong muscular frame and his fluid body movements. I gasped at how well endowed he was.

Joining me in bed, he preceded to show me what a magnificent lover he was. Our love making was the best I ever experienced. We seemed to both know exactly how to please the other as though we had done it hundreds of times; perhaps that was due to all the dreams we both had about it.

After what seemed like hours of foreplay, we both suddenly felt a tidal wave of enormous power wash over us as wave after wave of uncontrollable, shuddering contractions hit us.

Later lying sated in each others arms, we knew we had finally arrived at the destination fate had intended for us. From that moment on, we would live our lives as the family we were meant to be.

The End


End file.
